Alcoholism & Low Self-Esteem
I myself am not an alcoholic. But my father is a recovering one. When my dad was nine years old, his older brother, Barry, was killed by a drunk driver. My dad shared a room with Barry and they were very close. As my dad got older he turned to alcohol and tobacco to relieve stress. I can't tell you how many nights I would listen to him slur and scream profanity at our family. My family has been stuck in the car with him as the driver drunk, because refusing him would have been much worse. Believe me, I've witnessed what happens when you hide his keys and block his car in. When I was in high school my dad got two DUIs. The first was the night before my brothers turned eighteen and, the second, the night before Easter. My dad was finally caught and forced to go to AA meetings. There he faced the truth of Barry's death and why losing his brother made him go down a dark path. He's still recovering, but it's leagues better than what I faced as a child.
My mom has always suffered low self-esteem. She is the awkward fifth-born out of six children and constantly felt ignored. When she graduated high school, she weighed less than 95 pounds because in her turmoil she became anorexic. She was also both molested by a relative in her youth and raped by a "close friend" in college. This caused my mom to not trust men (until she met my dad). I would go further to say she doesn't trust her own sons. My mom and my two oldest brothers have a complicated relationship. The lack of trust has caused my brothers to be physically violent with my mother and I.
My mom has always suffered low self-esteem. She is the awkward fifth-born out of six children and constantly felt ignored. When she graduated high school, she weighed less than 95 pounds because in her turmoil she became anorexic. She was also both molested by a relative in her youth and raped by a "close friend" in college. This caused my mom to not trust men (until she met my dad). I would go further to say she doesn't trust her own sons. My mom and my two oldest brothers have a complicated relationship. The lack of trust has caused my brothers to be physically violent with my mother and I.
Losing "Everything"
I grew up in the Monroe School District, but for two years I went away to a private school in Everett. When I came back to Monroe, I was so nervous. Because my school schedule had been different, I hadn't seen my childhood friends as often as I had hoped. Luckily, they welcomed me back with open arms...Or, at least I thought they did. I had met a new girl that joined my circle of friends and I really liked her. But apparently she didn't have the same feelings. One day, I received a note from a girl I had known since age 4. The note read,
"We don't like you. Stop hanging around us and go somewhere else. You aren't wanted here."
All my "friends" had signed the note. It was heart-wrenching. One girl had changed my entire social life with one note. I was suddenly very much alone. That was 13 years ago. I have felt lonely ever since.
"We don't like you. Stop hanging around us and go somewhere else. You aren't wanted here."
All my "friends" had signed the note. It was heart-wrenching. One girl had changed my entire social life with one note. I was suddenly very much alone. That was 13 years ago. I have felt lonely ever since.
CPS Encounter
Also during the year of 7th grade, I had to take a science class. The teacher of this class confused me. I was a slow learner and felt she wasn't helping me learn. I was also failing the class unfortunately. This was a stressful year for my family, my dad and mom were fighting a lot, my younger brother wasn't even a year old, and my brothers' were experiencing the full emotional experience known as puberty. I started forging my mother's signature on report cards because I was terrified of making the stress worse. One day, I wrote a note on the back of the report card asking for help after school. I explained that my household wasn't allowing me to have focus on my schoolwork and I couldn't ask my parents because they had enough on their plate.
I shouldn't have said so much. They called CPS on my family.
Asking for help resulted in such a horrific experience that I will never forget. I lost trust in counselors and the ability of teachers to help in that moment. It's actually part of the reason I went into Education and then Human Services. Something about that wasn't right and I intend to prevent it from occurring again to other youth.
I shouldn't have said so much. They called CPS on my family.
Asking for help resulted in such a horrific experience that I will never forget. I lost trust in counselors and the ability of teachers to help in that moment. It's actually part of the reason I went into Education and then Human Services. Something about that wasn't right and I intend to prevent it from occurring again to other youth.
Discovering my Love for Youth Development
I have to be honest. I NEVER wanted to work with kids. With such stressed out parents raising me, I couldn't fathom wanting to help develop other kids. But, when I graduated from high school, my mom gave me an ultimatum. Get a job or lose my car privileges. It was time for me to take responsibility. I wasn't being productive about looking for work, so my mom gave me the application to become a summer camp counselor at the YMCA. Ok, she didn't just give it to me. She forced me to fill it out. I grudgingly did, passed the interview, and started working immediately.
I fell in love with these kids.
I saw myself in them. Similar stories, similar stresses; etc. I also saw similar abuses and, once, a catastrophic one. It was here that I met a 3rd grade boy--depicted as a bully--that had stab wounds and burn marks covering his body. It made me sick. I no longer want to change Education and Human Services for myself. I want to do it for the the children. I have to do it for them.
I fell in love with these kids.
I saw myself in them. Similar stories, similar stresses; etc. I also saw similar abuses and, once, a catastrophic one. It was here that I met a 3rd grade boy--depicted as a bully--that had stab wounds and burn marks covering his body. It made me sick. I no longer want to change Education and Human Services for myself. I want to do it for the the children. I have to do it for them.